Expert Level Mental Gymnastics

Expert Level Mental Gymnastics Lyrics

[verse 1]
You post your rescue dog on Instagram daily
"Animals are friends!"—caption so sweetly
But that bacon cheeseburger sitting on your plate
Came from someone just as smart who met a different fate

[pre-chorus]
You'll drive across town for the organic lettuce
Read every label like a health detective
But when it comes to who died for your dinner
Suddenly ignorance makes you the winner

[chorus]
Expert level mental gymnastics, darling—
Gold medal deflection, it's quite alarming
"But protein though!" you insist with a grin,
The oldest excuse, now worn paper-thin.
"It's too pricey!" is your repeated claim
While splurging on lattes and bragging the same—
lentils are cheap, yet you shift the blame
Your selective ethics are the real shame

[verse 2]
You share those videos of factory farming
"This is so awful!"—fake tears alarming
Then head to Chipotle for a chicken bowl
Compartmentalization—that's how you roll

[pre-chorus]
You've got opinions on every injustice
Sign petitions with self-righteous gusto
But three meals a day you fund the machine
While calling yourself an activist queen

[chorus]
Expert level mental gymnastics, darling—
Gold medal deflection, it's quite alarming
"But protein though!" you insist with a grin,
The oldest excuse, now worn paper-thin.
"It's too pricey!" is your repeated claim
While splurging on lattes and bragging the same—
lentils are cheap, yet you shift the blame
Your selective ethics are the real shame

[bridge]
"What about plants though?" (Your concern is touching)
"Desert island!" (But you're suburban, nothing)
"Vitamin B12!" (Like pills don't exist)
"My blood type!" (That's pseudoscience, sis)
"It's natural!" (So is dying young)
"Personal choice!" (Tell that to the hung)
"Our ancestors!" (Had a life span of thirty)
"Circle of life!" (Disney ain't reality)

[breakdown]
You research everything before you buy it
Check reviews and prices, you're such a critic
But somehow missed that dairy is trauma
Wrapped up in marketing drama

[final chorus]
Expert level mental gymnastics, darling—
Your brain does backflips, it's quite alarming
"Tried it at brunch!" then you bailed
Left the avocado toast lonely and pale
"It's just too hard," you say while meal prepping all day,
putting everything in separate color-coded trays,
Can't be bothered to leave out one thing
When it's easier than you're imagining

[outro]
So perfect that routine, stick that landing
Your cognitive dissonance is outstanding
But if you ever get tired of the show
Going vegan is easy, just so you know